What’s with my current focus on eating disorders? I guess I’ve always been fascinated by the way people treat their bodies violently, especially the advocates of that behavior. In the past I spent a lot of time researching body modification and drug abuse. But recently it’s been diet and eating disorders.
I’m finding that exercise and diet occupy more of my time recently: I choose my food more carefully than the days when I subsisted on pizza and soda, and I’m a regular gym-goer. My gym membership includes a subscription to Men’s Fitness, and I’ve read that beauty mags are correlated with eating disorders. But it’s not unhealthy, I don’t think, at least not yet. I can feel that pull though. It’s the same one that makes me wonder if my morning OJ would go better with vodka, or if I should just call my ex girlfriend again, and again, and again.
I’m at 158 pounds now, and my goal weight is 160, at which point I’m going to focus on bringing my body fat back down to around 10%, from the approximately 12 percent that it’s at now. I’m muscular now, and it looks good. My shoulders are bigger. I’ve lost an inch from my waist and gained a half-inch at the neck and one in the shoulders. But maybe I’d be better at 165, you know? I see guys with much larger, much better defined shoulders who are about my height, and I think, hey, I could do that. There’s a lot of room to improve my workouts just by actually planning and scheduling them instead of doing whatever I feel like.
I think I can still can distinguish between the guys who are unreasonably large, especially the ones who are juicing, and the guys who are merely bigger and stronger than I am. But at what point does my view of my body begin to diverge from reality? I’ve asked women what they think is “too muscular” and they respond that they aren’t sure, but I’m not it.
To me, it sounds like a challenge.
Secretly Ironic 