Lessons In Celebrity Journalism

Given the news that Owen Wilson tried to kill himself, would you say:

• Well, if I’d been in “You, Me, And Dupree,” I’d do the same thing.
• I’d feel bad, but it’s like seeing a clown on fire: probably just part of the act.
• Maybe he’s doing research for a new movie in which he plays a troubled young man who overcomes depression through interpretive dance and homosexual panic jokes.
• All three!

Ultimately, we went with the first one. It’s short and to the point. The second one would be better for one of the more attention-seeking celebutards, but Wilson hasn’t really done anything dumb off-screen. The third is too long and confusing. And of course you can’t cram in all three (which was my original instinct).