Signs I am Pushing 40

  • Have incurred a genuine dumbass weekend-warrior sports injury (Rhomboid strain. Class of injury: Not painful so much as really, really annoying)
  • Excited about having new gutters.
  • Big plans this weekend include “go shopping for shrubs.”
  • Planning on purchasing some house numbers so that my address is more legible on the outside of my house. In case someone has to find it in an emergency.
  • Read entire brochure about life insurance.

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