My sophomore year in college, my girlfriend at the time wrote a paper to the effect of “what’s the deal with gay men and Judy Garland?” This entailed, for the most part, watching Meet me In St. Louis repeatedly. I mean repeatedly. But I learned something from it: the way that Judy Garland represented, for a certain time, a certain barely repressed spirit to certain segments of the population.
And the original lyrics to the song “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” Places like Carols.org.uk describe it as the saddest Christmas song, but they totally miss the reason. They have the lyrics as
Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.
That is how it’s been popularized and is the more common version. But the line “Hang a shining star upon the highest bough” is totally out of place, because it’s been put in to make the song less sad. The original is “until then we’ll have to muddle through somehow.”
The song is about being separated for an indefinite amount of time from everyone and everything you love, and having to find what happiness you can now; it’s about everyone around you completely ignoring your emotional needs, about celebrating even though you’re desperately unhappy, and having to hide that unhappiness from everyone around you. That’s why it’s the saddest Christmas carol.
And the fact that Judy Garland got roles where she sang regretful torch songs covering that same sense of alienation was what made her so popular with legions of alienated people, gay and otherwise, through the forties and fifties. I have no idea what turned her into a gay icon.
But I do know that, ever since that fateful week, I’ve had the complete lyrics to all too many of those songs burned into my memory. Including the parodies, like Beat me In St. Louis.
Secretly Ironic 