The author of the following isn’t someone I know directly, but he is dating someone whose sister I know, so that’s close enough for me to call him a friend on the Internets. Plus, he’s funny, and politically astute. He’s written a goodbye letter to his rights, now that Alito is coming:
Dear Abortion Rights, Fourth Amendment & Checks and Balances:
I am so sorry to hear that you guys are leaving. I’ve known you my entire life, and I guess I just sort of assumed that you would always be around. I’ve gotta admit, I’m kinda nervous about facing the future without you. I guess I never really told you how much you guys mean to me. You guys have totally been there for me when I needed you. Especially you, Abortion Rights, you really had my back when the chips were down. We should all totally hang out before you guys take off, reminisce about old times, you know? Remember that time when Richard was all like getting totally out of control and wrecking our house, and Checks and Balances straight-up regulated his ass? That was awesome. That’s the kind of thing I’m really going to miss about you guys. Nobody was quite like you, and I’m so worried that I’ll never meet anybody like you guys again.
Fondly,
Tracy
PS. I always used to think that Second Amendment was sort of a dick, but recently I’m really starting to see why you guys hung out with him so much.
Secretly Ironic 