I subscribe to an awful lot of newsletters and RSS feeds and media streams. Probably too many. I scroll through them all and bookmark things for the newsletter or just to read later. And this week I was looking back at the saved items from the past month and so many of them just made me sad and angry, and I asked myself why I would inflict them on all fifty-nine subscribers to this newsletter.
So, here’s only the good stuff. No doomscrolling. Y’all already know about the cop that maced a nine-year-old. 2020 was a shit year and 2021 isn’t shaping up to be any better. Let’s focus on the better parts.
A Twitter thread of wholesome niche science-themed TikToks (the machinist/woodworking one is mesmerizing). Bonus: a machine that straightens scrap rebar.
A Reddit slideshow of a cat who loves sleeping on/in slippers. A dog alarmed by squirrels on TV. A dog playing in snow for the first time. A corgi nesting inside boxes of various sizes. An epic thread of animals investigating/interrupting wildlife photographers. And somehow, eels being cute.
Which of course prompts this, sung to the tune of Outkast’s Ms. Jackson:
Not Cute but somehow noteworthy: A crab riding on an albino alligator.
Also Not Cute but kinda funny: This editorial decrying sexy rock music and high-production-value movies was out of touch in 1985 and only gets more hilarious with time. What’s amazing about this is that he continues to get mainstream work. His oeuvre is full of hits like a 2011 claim in Newsweek that public transit is a socialist conspiracy and an argument this year that the problem with the vaccination rollout is that progressives are obsessed with good governance. People have been paying this chucklefuck good money to be wrong (but with big words!) twice a week for more than forty years and they just keep doing it. Do his employers not realize that people will be pretentiously wrong online for free?
Sorry, sorry. Back to the good stuff.
The American Conservative attempts humor with what I assume is a “modest proposal” style sarcastic editorial in favor of the Salazar model of dictatorship. Wait, sorry again. This turned out not to be a joke. Apparently they are sincerely in favor of dictators. Right. OK then.
I’m definitely sure this one is sarcastic:
omg sofia coppola’s dad also made a movie 👀 — $V (@not_a_heather) January 30, 2021
Check out this very sweet and inspiring story about someone’s great-grandmother being a total badass. Also the less-sweet and less-inspiring but still badass 21st century TikTok phenomenon known as “Bud Light Grandma.” (Sound on for the musical accompaniment).
Chazo-kun, the mascot for the Japanese Dumpling Association, who is alarmingly sexy bathing in a bowl of noodles and pouring hot oil over his rippling muscles.
Children say the darndest things:
my daughter asked why she can’t just quit school and i told her it’s against the law and they’ll put me in jail and my sweet sweet child looked me in the eye and said “i’ll visit you” — CeciATL (@CeciATL) January 28, 2021
The National Zoo has some great video of pandas playing in the snow. The Oregon Zoo has a roundup of rascally animals doing cute stuff.
It is important to remember the difference between peyote and pierogies. It is also important to remember to remove your pet sugar glider from your bra before your doctor’s appointment. Final reminder, do not leave your pet mink in a sink without supervision.
These two friendly cats. This dog with nose stuck in squeaker toy. An elderly bat named Statler being carried because he can no longer fly on his own. (No word on Waldorf).
Finally, an inspiring story of recovery and the long, slow work of improvement and growth from John Darnielle, who hit a seriously, terrifyingly low point in his life in the mid-1980s and is today a very-well-respected (and sober) recording artist: “this thread is for Howard and Bob, who didn’t make it to the end [of] this year, and for you, who did.”
Secretly Ironic 