Author: Aaron Weber

Are you a pitcher, or a catcher?

I’m like Curt Schilling, only without the annoying politics and injured leg, and without the ability to throw things very fast. But boy have I got a movie idea for you.

It’s a heartwarming comedy with a thrilling edge, appealing to the girls with a relationship and the boys with a car chase and some explosions. I see it as like “Three Men and a Baby” meets “Saw.” Or, you know, “Mr. Mom” meets “The Ring.”

Self Esteem

Yesterday I had a day of low self-esteem. I felt that every message I sent, every action I took, betrayed my lack of worth and my hatred of myself and others.

Then, on the way home, I saw a man in a very large SUV with a very large cigar and a cowboy hat, and I said to myself, at least I’m not him, broadcasting his lack of penis and his hatred of himself and others every day. At least I’m not one of the people profiled on Dirty Jobs, squeezing baby chickens.

Then, I went and got my Parker Farm farm-share, and chatted with neighbors and acquaintances about how to cook Swiss Chard and what to do with turnips. When I got home, Bookdwarf and Rony and Toshok and I grilled steaks and corn and zucchini and eggplant and green peppers, and drank wine, and sat behind the house. And then we played UNO. And I went to bed a happy man.

(Note: You squeeze a baby chicken to make it poop, so you can look at its cloaca and determine its sex. Someone once told me it was all done by scent, but that’s not true. Some varieties of chicken can be sexed by looking at their wing-tips, but for the others you have to look at what they call the vent. Chickens are sorted by sex because pullets (girls) are worth more than cockerels (boys), and are therefore sold separately.)

Meta-journalism about drugs

Slate has a good take on the way that drugs are reported on in NYC, and points me to the blog Meth-Mouth. The phrase is so evocative, I keep looking for fun new ways to use it. I dunno– punk bands, urban clothing labels, whatever.

(The origins: speed makes your mouth dry, makes you crave sweets, makes you forget to brush, makes you pass out for days at a time with your mouth open and your teeth rotting, makes you grind your teeth… anyway, it’s bad for your teeth and an uncanny number of users have dental problems. Not all of them, but enough for the press to catch on to it and create a whole urban legend along the lines of “if you take acid you’ll think you can fly and jump off a building” or “if you take heroin you will get an abcess and have your arm amputated.” I feel like if I were a tweaker, I’d end up getting obsessed with my teeth, rinsing, flossing, brushing… that or I’d just blog constantly.)