Author: Aaron Weber

Envy and Success

Bookdwarf has been invited to join the LitBlog Co-Op. I find them funny because LBC also stands for Long Beach Crips, but the important thing is that they’re getting serious press both here and abroad.

I, meanwhile, labor in obscurity. Next week will see me visiting the school I had named after me. I need to sort them out: they’ve been mispronouncing my damn name. Obviously the implements of adjustment will be my shiny new Weber Style fork and tongs.

Unitarian Jihad Community

Following the announcement of a Unitarian Jihad for moderation and sensibility, you can find the Unitarian Jihad name generator and of course, according to your preference, you may also use the first reformed Unitarian Jihad name generator. Both are optional. You may use your current name or invent one of your own choosing.

More seriously, check out the National Day of Reason, an alternative to the National day of Prayer or the National Day of Human Sacrifice, where we cut out the hearts of children and burn them in offering, in the hopes that our agriculture and monetary policies will be fruitful.

A Hard Rain Gonna Fall

It’s shit like this that makes me fear for the future of our nation. Not because there are bigots but because working in education one should be able to be an honorable human being. But for some reason, we expect not honor but hypocrisy of those who teach our children. People of common sense and decency can get, hold, or keep jobs at any educational institution, I know– but I’d feel like a hypocrite having to toe the party line on so many things. I guess that’s the way it is.

I get a semi-regular mailing from T-Shirt Hell and this latest one was absolutely hysterical. Note for the record that I’m not actually opposed to children– I don’t want any of my own, but they sure are cute when they belong to other people. Nonetheless, read the T-Shirt Hell rant on them in the “Extended Entry” below.
Continue reading “A Hard Rain Gonna Fall”

It’s like hating people

The other day I went to my local independent coffee retailer where I found a booklet on how to order coffee. It even has a little space for you to enter in your drink choices in advance so you don’t panic when you get to the front of the line and forget what you wanted. My favorite, however, is the descriptions of syrup flavors. Vanilla is described as not needing an introduction. Does raspberry or almond? Apparently so.

I wondered, who was it that wrote this? Who fought hard to get this printed, decided on the number of pages they could spend on it, picked the paper weight and layout? Who decided on two pages for syrup coverage and then left it to the copywriter to fill two pages with syrup descriptions? Did someone’s job depend on making the brochure a success? How do you measure the success of a brochure like that?

It reminded me of Dilbert’s marketing plan: he has no marketing budget, so they giving free product samples to people who look like celebrities. The campaign turns out to be successful, and Dilbert’s estimation of humanity drops yet further.

In short, I feel bad for talking down to my audience from time to time, but the fact is that most of them are stupid. Some of them are smart– many of the important ones, in fact– and resent it. But they know it’s necessary, because they are surrounded by idiots.

Business Rumors

Goodbye to latest Siebel exec, and IMHO, this can’t hurt; maybe the new guy will address the fact that their client interface is basically dependent on the disastrously insecure and single-platform combination of Internet Explorer and ActiveX controls, and start building a proper cross-platform interface. Sticking it to customers with nonstandard platforms is hardly the way to build a multibillion-dollar business, as we all know.

Inevitable Mistakes You Saw Coming

You ever see something coming, and know it’s a horrible idea, and it’s going to happen anyway? Like the release of the (ghostwritten) “in her own words” story of Amber Frey and Scott Peterson to inevitably negative reviews: “As compelling and dramatic as a coiled dog turd baking in the summer sun,” says Flak Magazine. You knew, from the moment she appeared on the national stage, that the book would be written, and published, and advertised, and bought. And that nobody would think it was a good idea, but that they’d do it anyway. Because that’s what is done.

Or maybe A Charles Dickens Theme Park, where, presumably, entry fees will be collected directly from your pockets by charmingly malnourished orphans. Oh, nobody on the board of directors thinks it’ll make money or bring people in to Kent, but they can’t quite bring themselves to criticize the legacy of Dickens– or the ideas of the guy who proposed the project, since he’s someone’s boss or uncle or father-in-law. The fact that an abandoned, burned-out Dickens theme park, populated by homeless teenage alcoholics, really will be Dickensian, never really came up. Huh.