Category: Words

They’re getting clever, those spammers. After the five or six word pitch were the following words:, designed to fool my filters into thinking I’d been sent real text:

elegiac disneyland lucre fuchs committee ahead annulling hairpin obsess brain carrageen invincible allotropic barbell sieglinda brazen inconsiderate brinkmanship consonantal azure aluminate nee certain dedicate treat beehive clockwise striptease thule basophilic sycophant depict beat supine sculptural hour hydrochloric eel bloodstone execrate idiotic cleave tango correct elinor muslim mice

And so forth.

I’ve fallen behind. Here are links:
SF Arts and a NYT article on cheap SF weekends.

Criticism of Left Behind, the evangelical sci-fi fantasy novel series. The novels are terrible, of course, and the characters are poorly drawn, and the moral universe is distinctly un-Christian… in short, it’s like a lot of other crappy sci-fi/fantasy, except it pretends to be, well, Saved.

Snark, snark, snark.

Queer Eye criticism. I’m surprised this didn’t crop up much, much sooner, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the Fab Five are just sarcastic and frivolous enough to deflect any sincere criticism. That’s an important coping skill for many people growing up gay, or otherwise different from the other ducklings, I might add.

I always know what to say. That’s my job. I’m the words guy. And I hate being at a loss for words. I hate feeling inarticulate.

Sometimes your best isn’t enough. Sometimes you fail to notice, you miscalculate priorities. Sometimes things fall through your fingers and through the cracks. Sometimes people.

I know it’s not my fault but I still blame myself.

It’s been all too long since I’ve sent a strongly worded letter to someone or something. McSweeney’s totally has me beat here. People I need to write to:

The undergraduates who keep hollering and shouting outside my window at night. Damn Tufts kids.

The company that runs my apartment building and has tiny vintage mailboxes that don’t hold even a magazine, and therefore leaves all non-tiny mail on a big table where it is stolen, lost, or discarded before I get to it.

The company that my apartment management company has contracted to run the laundry room, and which has failed to maintain the machines or the laundry room, to the point that most people in the building prefer to use laundromats which are further away and more expensive.

Macy’s, which left me on hold listening to Christmas music. I hate Christmas music. In fact, anyone who plays Christmas music where I have to hear it is going to get a glare, and if it’s Little Drummer Boy I swear I’m going to kick someone. If it’s a busker I’m giving them five bucks to play anything else.

Two relatively-safe-for-work articles at the usually-not-safe Nerve: Article about balanitis and circumcision, and a really scathing review of the Metrosexual’s Guide to Style. Having seen the book, I can tell you it really sucks. Works well as a gag gift though, apparently.

The WSJ’s Allan Murray is turning on Dubya, reports Brad DeLong. Without a subscription to the WSJ, I haven’t read the whole article, but the excerpt has the wonderful line:

It is also possible that what really links Presidents Nixon and Bush is something else: an unbounded desire for a second term, even at the expense of taxpayers.

I saw somewhere the explanation “There are two political parties in my country: the Stupid Party and the Evil Party. When the Evil Party is in charge, the Stupid Party stands in the way and prevents them from getting much evil accomplished. When the Stupid Party is in charge, the Evil Party stands in the way and prevents them from doing anything stupid. But sometimes, they manage to cooperate, and do something that is both stupid and evil, and that’s how we get laws in this country.”

People choose code names for products when they are developing them and want to have a convenient, fun handle that doesn’t have to be released to the public. This is most convenient for products that have several versions planned, and where names are linked to dates. Most software products, particularly things like Windows, get code names, because the final names and dates and version change a lot.

A good series of code names will all have different-sounding names but a theme which ties them together. For example, various versions of Macintosh OS X were named after large cats: “Panther” and “Jaguar” and so forth. “European Cities” is a good theme, but you have to be careful that they don’t all sound the same. For example, Paris and Milan are good names, but once you have Milan you should not add Madrid or Malaga. If you choose “Japanese words,” don’t choose both Usagi and Unagi.

You also want to choose something exciting and evocative, that expresses your feelings for the product. Your positive feelings– if customers find out you have named your products “clusterfuck” and “timesink” they’ll be less interested in them. Unless you are a working at very small startup or a video game company, do not use the names of porn stars, illegal drugs, or cardinal sins. Unless you are writing religious software or designing church supplies, do not choose the names of saints, angels, or cardinal virtues.

Some examples of bad code names:

If you pick “Biotech companies,” you get names that sound too similar: Biogen, Amgen, Genetech, Genzyme…
With the theme “Failed dot-coms,” your names sound too similar and are also depressing: Navilant, Noviant, Taligent, Similant…
If you pick “Discontinued, ugly, or dangerous cars” you are an idiot: Edsel, Aztek, Corvair…

Some examples of reasonably good code names:

Sci-fi heroes: Tom Swift, Buck Rogers, Flash Gordon…
Futuristic inventions: Jetpack, Hoverbike, Raygun, Rocketship…
Tropical fruit: Starfruit, Kiwi, Durian (maybe not- they smell funny), papaya, guava…
Extreme Sports:Skyboard, Motocross, Street Luge, Freestyle, Halfpipe…

Be aware that if you’ve read this far, you have already wasted too much effort on choosing a code name.

The band Songs: Ohia is on the Secretly Canadian. My current song on repeat is Farewell Transmission.

Leading retailer of teen crapola Hot Topic is represented on the Nasdaq by the ticker symbol HOTT.

TO CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES, TO DRIVE THEM BEFORE YOU, AND TO HEAR THE LAMENTATIONS OF THEIR WOMEN

I mentioned these earlier. Quirkyalones, aka “single people who think they need some label,” now have a quiz and a movement and a book with promotional tour and shirt. Megan came back from the NEBA conference with the shirt and a pamphlet. The whole thing has pissed her off beyond words. It’s like the periodic how-to-be-a-human-being instructional books. Do single people need a manifesto? You’re just… yourself. Nothing wrong with it. People have done it for quite some time. A movement based on everyone doing different stuff? Is that like a uniform, as they say in Cheech and Chong movies, where nobody has to wear the same thing?