Dig

I’m beginning to get a reputation among my friends as a crank and a writer of strongly-worded letters to the editor. For example, this letter to the Weekly Dig over its recent AIDS coverage:

I know you’re an alt-weekly, and I guess that means you have to publish
conspiracy theories and faddish pseudo-science. But do you have to go
and deny the link between HIV and AIDS, joining intellectual
heavyweights such as Thabo Mbeki and Spin magazine?

I won’t address the factual errors in your science coverage, which you can find
yourselves by consulting a basic textbook or a high-school Biology
teacher. However, if you do plan on continuing to ignore basic science, I suggest you join Bush and the Kansas educational board and start rejecting evolution and the round earth. I look forward to your coverage of alien abductions, crop circles, the danger of the UN World Government, and the global financial conspiracy run by Jews and Masons. I expected rational debate from an independent voice, not this raving conspiracy nonsense.

Oh yes

I have rediscovered In Passing…, the diary of overheard tidbits.

Who has twins and gives them both the same name?”
“Well, we were put up for adoption separately.”
“Oh. I. Oh. I’m sorry — I didn’t mean — Oh.”

But mostly I’m drunk and shopping for furniture online. I found the perfect couch. It’s thousands of dollars and will require the purchase of a new house and the acquisition of a new personality but it’s perfect. The appreciation for things really improves when my mind is degraded. My mother told me, while I was home for easter, about her post-surgery morphine literature experience. Dad brought her books and she read them and each one was the Greatest Novel Ever. She has no recollection of the titles, authors, or subjects, but let me tell you, it was beautiful.

And so, the sweet, sweet oblivion before waking up and doing it all over again.

Do we need nature

It’s time once again for the Shell/Economist Essay Contest, in whichyou can win vast sums of money by reusing those high-school expository writing skills. The question last year was “How much freedom should we trade for security?” The winning answer was “none,” and boiled down to the old saw, “boats in a harbor are safe, but that is not what boats are for,” complete with sailing metaphor.

This year’s theme is “Do we need nature?” which has, more or less, the same set of answers: Yes, no, and “trick question.”

Yes, we should give up the liberties a, b, and c in order to maintain safety from dangers d, e, and f. No, no amount of security is worth trading away one iota of our precious freedom. Yes, we need nature for air and warmth and undiscovered plant remedies. No, we don’t need nature, unless you mean some subset of it for raw materials from which we can synthesize everything else.

The third kind of answer argues against the question rather than for the answers it suggests most readily. It says that freedom cannot be traded for security as though they were fungible commodities, or that humanity is part of nature, everything is part of nature, there isn’t any question about needing it or not.

I can think of a dozen reasons why humanity needs nature, and I can certainly support the assertion that the question is unanswerable because humanity and nature are one. But since at least the early 1960s, I don’t think anyone with any serious intellectual ability has actually argued that humanity and nature are not only distinct, but separable, and that humanity controls nature or does not need it.

Although I normally gravitate toward “trick question” type answers, since those are the best way to show off my cleverness, I think that a “no” is probably the more difficult to argue.

Early reviews of Silent Spring accused Carson of alarmism, and stated that “man controls nature.” But that argument, along with the gender bias in its phrasing, has gone the way of the dodo, and for about the same reasons: it’s just too stupid to survive.

Today, there are throwbacks, living in special preserves of political isolation, like giant pandas in a zoo, too ineffectual to breed and preserve their species. For example, Secretary of the Interior James Watt thought conservation was a sin because God had given us just enough resources to last until the End Times, and that those dirty hippies were delaying the return of Christ by trying to save the forests.

I’m sure a “no” answer won’t win the contest– Shell is sponsoring, and they’ll want to burnish their environmentalist credentials. But is there anything even close to a legitimate or defensible “no” answer?

Correction

Ettore has convinced me that I was incorrect of me to state that “the average anti-war protestor is retarded.” I was actually quoting someone else at the time, and have edited the entry to make that clearer. However, it’s still an insult to people such as Ettore, who are really very intelligent anti-war protestors. Heck, it’s an insult to the developmentally challenged. What I meant, and what I assume i5 meant, was:

A very loud, highly visible minority of protestors are wicked queer, By which I mean they dress like soccer players.

Fuck War

“Fuck Saddam. We’re taking him out” says Dubya (via iiiii and nedia.)

That many-i’d site has a neat format, really, and I agree with his opinion on the protestors:

my issue is this: while i agree with the war protesters that the war is about as funny as steve martin’s oscar material, i also agree with the conservative commentators (but i repeat myself) that the war protesters are, on average, retarded.