Whose Job Is It To Guard The Freezer Full Of Pee?

This year, the Olympics authorities will take what is delicate referred to as 4,500 samples, and store them for eight years so that if they develop new tests for previously-undetected drugs, they can go back and check old champions with new technology.

It sounds great, but just imagine the logistical challenges of keeping a room-sized freezer full of urine at ultra-low temperatures for eight years. Just imagine being the person whose job it is to guard that freezer to prevent tampering. Just imagine, some time in 2013: “Hey, Bill, we got a new test developed for synthetic HGH, can you go down to the 2008 Olympic Pee Freezer and pull samples 3021 through 3044?”

Yet another reason that we should not only allow, but promote, doping. My primary desire for it, of course, is that it’ll lead to great leaps in transhuman technologies. Genetically engineered swimmers with fins for feet!

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