The automobile is the American technological sublime. The car you drive – especially if you’re wealthy enough to have a significant choice in the matter – lets you tell the world something about yourself.
Here is my handy field-guide to recognizing what BMW drivers are saying about themselves:
- 318i convertible with Red Sox bumper sticker, stuck in traffic on Storrow: I’m fun and probably available, but mostly interested in myself.
- M3: I love sports cars and money.
- 5 series: I am very successful.
- 745li parked in a no stopping zone in front of a fire house on Cambridge St. during rush hour: I’m an ass.
Secretly Ironic 
*Which* 5 series? Incredibly important. Cuz, um, if it holds in general, I need a bailout check.
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If you have a 5 series you are telling the world that you are very successful. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you *are* successful.
Similarly, whoever parked that 7-series in the no parking zone, possibly blocking fire-trucks from exiting in an emergency, might in fact be a very nice person who happens to have been given a 7-series by God himself for meritorious service, and then parked it in front of the fire station just for a moment while going in to drop off winter coats for orphans and thank the firefighters for saving kittens, but it still makes them look like a jerk.
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What does it say to the world when you and X5? Don’t forget the all important SUV category.
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