Author: Aaron Weber

Readymade

I got my Summer issue of Readymade today and it’s the usual orgy of cool things: hilarious underwear for men and women, modular carpeting systems, a very sarcastic design shop that advertises death as a product, some much better than magnetic poetry magnets and a book called DIY, or How to Kill Yourself Anywhere in the World for Under $399 (from a designer who shows you how to make a coffin from an Ikea bookshelf.) (Link corrected 6/24/03. Bad nav on that site).

My Crackpot Economic Theory Again

OK, I have written to Semi-Daily Journal and the Wall Street Journal and now to the Economist with my crackpot economic theory. This is becoming a ridiculous quixotic campaign. I re-edited the letter to make it more Economist in style– that is, snarkier and more subtle:

Sirs:
Your article “Judges Come Out for Gays” (June 19, 2003) neglected an important argument for the recognition of gay marriage: deregulation. The wedding industry in North America is in trouble due to a relatively static number of weddings each year. Allowing gay marriage will expand the wedding pool and benefit the wedding industry (and retailers who host wedding registries).

The US wedding industry has not yet recognized the threat to its competitiveness, but it will once US homosexuals start taking their wedding dollars northward. Soon, the Republican party will be faced with yet another split in its constituency: neoliberals who would deregulate marriage, and religious conservatives who would restrict yet another avenue of commerce to a class it favors morally.

NZX, PBR

Via the trademark blog, news that the name NZX is contested between the New Zealand Stock Exchange and a porn mag. The porn mag was first, but the exchange registered the name.

The NYT says PBR has cachet because it’s unmarketed, but I like it because it’s what the bad guy in Blue Velvet drinks. OK, also because it’s trendily bad, lightly marketed, drunk by hipsters, and cheap as all get-out. Can’t forget the price factor.

Candidates

I saw the MoveOn Democratic Presidential Candidate Slate today. My analysis:

  • Carol Moseley Braun: Would do a good job. Not a chance.
  • Sharpton: Dramatically irrelevant.
  • Dean: The Ralph Nader of 2004.
  • John Edwards: Possible.
  • Dick Gephardt: I thought this was the guy from Florida, but I was wrong. I don’t know what the hell this one’s about.
  • Graham: Too conservative for my taste, and too old, and from Florida, meaning “probably corrupt.”
  • Kerrey: Has money (I stand corrected: it’s his wife’s and she thinks politics is stupid– but he’s pretty well funded anyway). Too Northern. Possible nominee. Looks like Kennedy, which may be a good thing, or not.
  • Kuchinich: Unpronouncable, unattractive, too progressive.
  • Lieberman: Practically Republican, too old, and too close to the 2000 debacle.

Strongly Worded Letter Number Sixteen

I’m developing something of a reputation for writing strongly worded letters. Which means, I suppose, that I’m becoming a crank. For example, I doubt that the Wall Street Journal will publish the letter I just sent their editors:

Dear Wall Street Journal:

Your article Thursday about the woes of brides and of the wedding industry leaves out an obvious application of neoliberal economic policy that could spur the wedding industry and the economy as a whole. Currently, the number of marriages in the US is relatively static, and the economy has given people reason to cut back on their celebrations, putting a damper on wedding-related enterprises. To allow the industry to expand, we must deregulate it by allowing homosexual couples to marry. An increase in the number of weddings also means an increase in gift-buying, new household formation, and general consumer spending, which can provide a powerful impetus to the general economy.

Marriage deregulation is especially urgent now that Canada is pondering the recognition of gay marriages. Should Canada invite them, many gays and lesbians will flock across the border to wed, taking their dollars with them. We cannot allow the US wedding industry to remain uncompetitive in the global marketplace, and therefore must deregulate marriage as soon as possible.

Sincerely,
Aaron Weber

Beverly Package

I’ve gotten to know Montserrat station and Beverley, MA pretty well over the past few days, going out to Motorcycle Riding School to take the state-approved safety class. I failed it, which means I have to schlep my ass out there again some time in the next 14 days, pay an extra fifty bucks, and pass it this time, dammit, or else. The station is near a liquor store called Beverley Package, which I think would make a good name for a transsexual porn star.

I’m buying a 1991 Kawasaki Zephyr, which is a standard bike they don’t make any more. Smaller and sportier than the Vulcans and not as absurd as the Ninjas. Still a little larger than I need, but I’ll grow into it or die trying.