Sunny out today, finally. Exercise is in order, of some sort. The desktop team will be working long hours tonight. Me, I got some thinking to do.
Not thinking about the FCC, (ambivalent: while radio’s domination by ClearChannel is an obvious negative, there are many more independent media channels now, so it no longer makes as much sense to ensure diversity with the old regulations).
Not thinking about WMD (again, ambivalent: I’m guessing Bush and his crew are guilty of willful ignorance rather than deliberate falsehood, but I’m not sure that’s much of an excuse. And of course it’s done now, maybe even for the better, and we’re going to need to put more boots on the ground before we get out of Iraq safely, and if we get peace between Israel and Palestine we’ll be better off than before).
Not thinking about motorcycles, despite the obvious attraction of my hot new class-M learner’s permit.
I need to do hard thinking about me, and what I mean to myself, and to others. Thinking about what it means to be valued by others, to respect and love and befriend. What am I willing to sacrifice for love?
I imagine that in the past, people tried harder at relationships, although I have little evidence for this, except that the penalties for failure were higher back then. I don’t know that I’d be willing to try as hard as my parents did, at the outset of their relationship. I know few women, certainly, who would do something so risky and foolhardy as my mother did, embarking on a headlong, lifelong love at the age of seventeen and a half.
So, answer yourself this: What do you want from a romantic relationship? What are you willing to sacrifice for someone else’s love and happiness? What won’t you give up? What would make you abandon an otherwise healthy relationship?
I overthink everything.
I wonder if I will ever experience clarity of purpose in the way that I imagine my parents did, back in the day, casting aside doubts and leaping forward. Weighing options and making a decision and not looking back too much, knowing that the decision was made. I wonder if the 21st century will have any certainty– Dubya, with his moral clarity, certainly seems like a throwback to an earlier era (even to those who approve of it!).
