Author: Aaron Weber

I’m likely to be offline til Monday. In my absence, ponder the nature of human absence:

Exchange admins often wonder why their Outlook users don’t bother emptying their inboxes. How hard can it be to archive your mail?

Hint: Outlook Web Access has no “select all” feature. Archiving a hundred messages means clicking on every single message. Laaaame.

NY Mag reminds me where I heard that song before– it’s the theme from “Brazil” and it’s everywhere right now. Notably, in this ad for Visa:

This series of advertisements strikes me as a cry for help from someone deep in the bowels of the advertising agency. They’re brilliant statements about how commerce is dehumanizing us all, but instead of being rejected out of hand and turned into low-budget short films shown in avant-garde cafes, they’re getting labeled as advertisements for credit cards. It’s as though the creatives are trying desperately to get fired and instead succeed because their bosses and clients are too stupid, or too cynical, or too distracted, to really understand what’s going on.

I read Apathy And Other Small Victories this weekend. It’s all about that kind of feeling. Hilarious but also deeply upsetting.

I told you lending was out of control, I told you housing was overpriced, and I told you Afghanistan was going to produce a bumper crop of scag.

Maybe I’ll get a job as a doomsayer. That’s a job, right?

Given the news that Owen Wilson tried to kill himself, would you say:

• Well, if I’d been in “You, Me, And Dupree,” I’d do the same thing.
• I’d feel bad, but it’s like seeing a clown on fire: probably just part of the act.
• Maybe he’s doing research for a new movie in which he plays a troubled young man who overcomes depression through interpretive dance and homosexual panic jokes.
• All three!

Ultimately, we went with the first one. It’s short and to the point. The second one would be better for one of the more attention-seeking celebutards, but Wilson hasn’t really done anything dumb off-screen. The third is too long and confusing. And of course you can’t cram in all three (which was my original instinct).

Click through for the other Iraq vet photos.

Yes, the mistake in Vietnam was caving in to liberal pussies and leaving. No, dumbass. The mistake was showing the hell up. The second mistake was not leaving sooner. The third mistake was massacres. The fourth mistake was blaming the liberals. Not like anyone’s going to remember the lessons of history. Even the people now admitting they were wrong are saying they were wrong for all the right reasons.

Bullshit. You were wrong. You should have known. I told you so. I fucking told you so, and you didn’t listen to me. Just admit it: Bush rushed in like the fool he is, and you cheered him on, dumbass.

And now look where we’ve gotten the Republic. We’re in a place where all evidence in a case is too secret to be used in court. In other words, government crimes are classified. If the NSA does it, that means it’s legal.

Not that it’s going to help us to know that now. It’s sort of like the secret list of buildings you’re not allowed to photograph. Take a picture and you’re under arrest. Ignorance of the law is no excuse. In fact, ignorance of the law is the law. Which ones did you want me not to photograph? Can’t tell you. Talk about news you can’t use.

News you can use: Driving a golf cart while drunk is still DUI, at least in Stockholm. At least he wasn’t taking pictures of Swedish army bases while doing it.

The Daily Show Goes To Iraq. No, really. The fake news show is sending ex-marine and now-comedian Rob Riggle to Iraq for a USO tour. And some embedding bits.

Also, snakes were recently prevented from boarding a plane.