Is that what they mean by “Comcastic?”

I just moved to Cambridge from Somerville, and after a week of being offline, I had my Comcast setup appointment this afternoon. The guy showed up and brought me a cable box that was exactly the same as my RCN cable box from Somerville, only it doesn’t have HDMI outputs and doesn’t offer the channels I like in HD. He also gave me a setup CD for a “self-install” for my internet connection.

The setup program asked for my account number, which it said was available on my bill (which I haven’t gotten yet) or through the Comcast website, which I could reach by clicking a link further on in the message. A link which didn’t exist, and which wouldn’t have worked, because I didn’t have internet access set up. Classic.

I had to call and spend a few minutes on hold being regaled by Ben Stein about the glories of Comcast before I could get an account rep to tell me my account number. Then I finished the setup process, rebooted, and… was asked to set up again. I did it twice more, gave up, and found that it worked when I came back to it several hours later.

So far, this is a lot more expensive and less convenient than RCN. But since there’s no competition – no, I’m not willing to go satellite+DSL, and there’s no FiOS here yet – it’s what I’m stuck with. Monopolies must be a pretty comcastic business to be in, I guess.

Boston, Cambridge and Somerville Shopping for the Budget-Minded (i.e. Everyone)

It’s gift-giving season, and you’re on a budget. More than usual, even. So aren’t we all. But you also want to do the right thing – not just buy a lead-and-BPA baby rattle made by starving children in China or whatever. So, where do you shop? Here are my obviously perfect suggestions:

Local shopping that’s also a party: Davis Square Midnight Madness: Quite a few of the businesses in Davis Square will be extending hours and cutting prices on December 3rd. My suggestions: Dave’s Fresh Pasta (unusual and delicious wine and beer) Artifaktori (indie and/or vintage fashion, antiques, oddities), and Boston Shaker (bar supplies).

Deep discounts on good reads: Harvard Book Store Warehouse Sale: Saturday and Sunday, December 5-6, at the Harvard Book Store Warehouse (14 Park St., Somerville, near Porter Square on the Red Line or the 87 bus). They’ll have 15% off already-discounted remainders as well as some signed first editions. Pick up a glossy coffee-table book and look like you spent the bank! This is their second warehouse sale, and I’m assured it’ll be bigger and better than the last one. Also check out their card selection for letterpress cards you won’t find anywhere else. (Helpful hint: A fancy card with a heartfelt message they’ll love is still way cheaper than a chintzy gift they won’t appreciate).

Craft and fashion: Design Hive in Cambridge. It’s a bit like an indoor version of the (summer-only) SoWa Open Market, a bit like a craft-show flea-market, and quite a bit Cambridge. Last event of the season (“Handmade Holidaze”) is on Sunday 12/6 starting at 10 AM.

Stuff you never knew you needed: Bazaar Bizarre: December 6 at the Cyclorama on Tremont St. You’ll find art, craft, chintz, kitsch, punk, disco, glam, jewelry, makeup, and sixteen kinds of what-have-you. Also affiliated with Boston Handmade. Speaking of which…

From the first minute to the last minute: Boston Handmade has a storefront open at 505 Washington St. in Downtown Crossing from November 27th through December 24th. They’re carrying goods from 30 or so different Boston artisans, and have a big opening party the 28th of November.

Poetry Update: On the difference between credentials and qualifications

Papers, Please

No es difícil fabricar un certificado que asegure con timbres y estampillas, que se es turco; no es fácil, en cambio, nacer en Turquía. – Manuel Rojas, Hijo de Ladrón

Papers, please. Credentials, sir, and proof of worth.
No exceptions, I’m afraid, and please don’t start
on proof and fact and claim
your mere existence proves itself.

We know, we know, but we do not believe:
the deeply rooted need for certainty
will overcome the truth
and I don’t make the rules,
so show your papers please.

Poetry This Week: Getting and Spending

Getting and Spending
Ask the serious men who study joy and bring to bear
the rigor your old profs would praise.
They know what works – It’s not pretty,
but spreadsheets rarely are.

You’ll find a template in the better academic rags:
Daily measurement of function, frequency, lability, and depth.
Careful record kept of enlightenment anticipated
and the extent it gets achieved.

From there, it’s quick enough (as these things go)
to find the measure of your heart’s desire,
show cost-basis, year-to-date, of what you’ve felt,
and chart your benefits and costs.

And when you’ve mapped your course and all that’s left
is living it — seek other counsel, perhaps your own.

Jeff Jacoby: Still a Chump

While we’re at it, let me make fun of the way Jeff Jacoby uses his latest column to insult the American Booksellers Association and defend predatory dumping.

This time, he’s not quite as wrong as he usually is – the line between aggressive discounting and destructive predation is blurry, after all, and the ABA has some silly arguments about how discounting hurts the prestige of books as such.

Nonetheless, he’s wrong: Give Harry Potter away below cost to draw traffic which might buy t-shirts, and you’re going to destroy the businesses that sell a variety of books beyond the top 40. That’s not good.

Whether this instance counts as illegal predation I will leave to the courts, but Jacoby seems to be implying that no such thing exists. That’s entirely false. He may not be wise or cogent enough to remember the lessons of Standard Oil and the trust-busters, but if not, he doesn’t deserve his job. And if he is, and he’s lying, then he definitely doesn’t deserve his job.

… And once again, we return to the central mystery of Jeff Jacoby: How the hell he still has a job. I could do twice his work for half the money. A quarter of the money.

You want an economic stimulus? Reallocate whatever money goes to Jeff Jacoby and spend it on strippers. It’ll do more good for society. Not kidding.

Range Rover: The SUV for the unlettered swell

This week’s New Yorker has an ad for Range Rover featuring a claim that it has eyes in the front, back, and side of it’s head.

People have been fired for a lot less than a misplaced apostrophe in an expensive ad campaign, particularly one targeted at presumably well-read consumers.

Then again, if you’re going to sink that kind of cash into that kind of clunker, maybe you’re not the sort to quibble about grammar. Or build quality.

Call the bluff on the party of no

Mr. President: We want a public option. Olympia Snowe’s vote isn’t worth a bad bill. I’d love to see a good bill (i.e. with a public option) come to the Senate, and I’d love to see progressives dare the Republicans to filibuster. Go ahead. Make my day. Stand up and admit you’re the party of no. And watch that filibuster get crushed, and watch health reform pass over your objections, and watch your party of hubris and idiocy and reactionary greed burn.