Category: Thoughts

Today is 08/08/08, which means lots of people will be making a lot of jokes about the 808 synth. OK, well, maybe just me.

Everybody gettin down make no mistake, nothing sounds like an 808!

In my eyes, the Olympics, like the Super Bowl and the Oscars, are mostly an excuse to have a party with snacks and a theme. For the Super Bowl, of course, you have hearty midwinter fare. For the Oscars, there are more options: Elegant finger food, things served in movies, foods based on movie puns (There Will Be Blood Pudding, anyone?) or of course foods that actual Hollywood stars eat (superpremium vodka, diet soda, cocaine).

But what do you serve at an Olympics party? Ambrosia, because it’s Olympian? Chinese food, since the games are in China this year? Power Bars and Gatorade because it’s an athletic event? Or maybe I should serve factory-farmed meat since it’s an athletic event rife with doping and a total lack of concern for the long-term health of the participants?

Maybe we’ll go with Chinese health food at the table and an HGH or EPO injection station in the back room.

There was a lot of bad news this weekend but this Times story about the intersection of failures in medicine and immigration policy was pretty damn terrible. Nobody wants to send an injured man home to die, but nobody wants to pay the bill for taking care of him either. What happens? Well, he goes home to die.

That, and the one about the dramatic rise in jellyfish population throughout the world. It seems that the ocean fishing industry is re-enacting the classic Tragedy of The Commons story.

On the plus side, given that the entire world is going to hell in a handbasket, I feel better about my own failures as a human being. Pass me the employer-subsidized health care and a basket of dolphin chips, would you?

Someone shipped 32 pounds of marijuana to the wife of the mayor of a small Maryland town just outside of Washington DC. The mayor came home, found a box on the doorstep, and brought it inside. Then a SWAT team broke down his door, shot his two Labrador dogs, and took the dope. Now, if that was the mayor’s weed, or the mayor’s wife’s weed, that was very very strange. But what if it wasn’t?

What if someone wanted to teach the mayor about what it’s like to have cops break down your door and kill your dogs? Having drugs delivered to his house would be a good way to do it.

If you search Google for “Edgar Sawtelle” I come up somewhere halfway down the second page of results. So I don’t know how so many people are finding my short review of it, and commenting, even weeks after I wrote it. But I’m somewhere between pleased and thrilled, even though not every comment is positive. This is not your typical summer read and it’s not your typical book about dogs, but it’s also not your typical pretentious novel that I’d recommend to someone. It’s a gripping story that’s also thought-provoking, and that’s really difficult to do.

It turns out that a significant number of those luxury granite countertops that, together with fingerprint-prone stainless steel appliances, will become the most regrettable style cliche of the early 21st century, are not only ugly and difficult to maintain but also radioactive. Not just radioactive in the sense that nobody will buy your house and that you’ve overextended your credit, but radioactive in the sense that the exotic granite sometimes has more uranium than usual and gives off radon.

Spend too much time cooking or screwing on your new luxe kitchen and you might end up sterile or dead. Well, you’re bound to end up sterile and dead one way or another, of course. Just sooner than you’d otherwise expect.

This really is a very good diagram of the Bush scandals.

Some people like to say that “Friends don’t let friends read Slate,” because they tend to ask a lot of the wrong questions, especially about the war. But I think their coverage of health care and finance is good.

And I do love a good chart!

I took this picture in midafternoon from my office window when the clouds over Boston got kind of freakish.

Live free and die, baby!

We finally got our hands on some firepower this weekend! Megan and I and her pals Bronwen (above) and Heather drove up to Manchester on Sunday to visit the open and functional gun range in New Hampshire instead of that shuttered misfortune in Worcester. I’ll just go ahead now and say it was totally freaking awesome, and that I am glad that New Hampshire exists.

When we got inside the shop, there were two big dudes with imposing beards renting an enormous piece of machinery that I was later told was the legendary MP-5 submachine gun. I was more than a little intimidated, and I really expected the guys behind the counter to be at least as condescending as record-store clerks. They were not. They really liked guns and talking about guns, and they were glad to share their interest with us. They explained how each one worked, and made sure we understood it, without being jerks and without being rote about it either.

We rented one lane and started with the beginner’s choice, a Ruger .22 pistol. After ten rounds of ammunition each, we swapped it for a pair of larger guns: a 9mm Beretta and a Smith & Wesson .38 revolver. The Beretta was fine: Although its magazine was quite difficult to load, it held fifteen rounds, so you didn’t have to do it often. The revolver held only five rounds, but it was far, far easier to load. And it was by also incredibly, impossibly loud, even with the enormous earpieces. It was also difficult to aim, but whatever – loud noises and smoke and a few holes somewhere on the target were enough.

I kind of want to come back. And bring my parents.

I think it’s fair, or at least pretty much reasonable, to charge $400 a square foot on a nice condo in a nice part of Somerville. So when I found out that the Building 5 Lofts had a place just shy of a thousand square feet asking $415k, I figured it would at least be worth my while to drop by and have a look. After all, the flyer price is down from the $429k listed on the website, and I seem to recall them asking a half-mill for these pre-construction. This is shaping up to be a bargain, right?

And I know the neighborhood. I’ve been here for years. I could live hear for many, many years more. At the very least, I want to be here at least another ten years, so that I can be around when my neighbor’s daughter (now age 3) hears the story of how, shortly after figuring out how to take off her pants, she somehow got into my yard and crapped on the lawn. Yes, I’m saving this story til then for maximum embarrassment factor. That’s community investment right there, bucko. That’s what holds a town together: Shared humiliation of other people’s children.

Seriously, though. Look at this address. Scroll the picture around and turn to where the construction site and parking lot are… OK, the picture is unimpressive, but look around the neighborhood. It’s a great neighborhood. Imagine it in a year, after the construction is done and the landscaping comes in. This is really a hell of a good place to live. Walk to the train. Walk to the bus. Walk to restaurants, bars, towns, bike path — although not so close that kids are rollerblading past your windows at night. It’s a really good location. An excellent location. Plus, off-street parking and basement storage. This is a desirable condo, worth top dollar. Not Back Bay top dollar, but still.

Don’t leave. Seriously. I’m getting to the point. Honest.

Being me, on the way over I had imaginary conversations with myself. “Never trust a mortgage broker, never trust a realtor – not even your very own buyer’s agent, never trust an assessment or inspection or seller….” I’m not a trusting person. And I read a lot of pessimistic websites.

Of course, once I got there, I didn’t say any of those things. Besides, the people who were showing the place were very nice. And when I asked how they calculated the 961 square feet of the place, they were pretty honest that it was a figure larger than what was visible. I was mollified. It’s not even a dishonest figure: A builder calculates the square footage of the building site. A buyer calculates the square footage of what they’ll be living in.

Nonetheless, a lot of people end up with inflated figures. And there’s too much variation between one person’s square foot and another that it’s impossible to judge what people are really asking. In other words, I don’t think enough people really know what they’re buying or selling or renting. And that’s why people like me wouldn’t dream of showing up for a serious tour of an apartment or condo without a measuring tape and calculator to measure each room. It lets the realtors know we’re not to be trifled with. OK, it lets them know we’re assholes.

Still: No square footage inflation for me!

And yes, as soon as I walked in that door, the $432/square foot they were asking looked a lot more like $518/square foot to me. It was a beautiful home in an excellent location. But it was not even close to a thousand square feet. And I don’t care how lovely those hardwood floors and high ceilings are, I’m not paying more than $2.77 per square inch for housing.